Working Through The Pain

Displays.  I woke up this morning with a pounding headache and convinced myself I could make it through the day without letting it affect me.  Ouch.  Easier said than done.

I worked on the displays this morning.  I think I'm going to do a zipper display for the Lust Charms.  Initial concept on the left.  It will look better than that when finished.  I also think I'm going to make it two sided so I have womens charms on one side and mens on the other.  I was cracking myself up trying to come up with tag lines for Lust Charms.  I thought "for sexier unzipping", but the BF came up with "unzip your passion".  He also came up with a fabulous idea for a 2nd product under the "lust" line.  I have met my match creatively!

The 2nd display above is for the Art Charms.  I kept the same display I started with, but took off the charm bracelet and hooked a key chain to the hand.  I think I like that better.  The one on the right will be the "fashion charms" or "style charms".  I'll do the display a bit differently with pegs to hold the charms, like the other displays, but I think the headless torso will be similar.  I think i will offer two types of necklaces for sale along with the charms on the fashion display.

On the good news side of things....I got an email from a gallery I work with in Poulsbo, Washington.  They offered my name as an artist to display in a crepe shop closeby.  Because they are so far away, they have an inventory of my paintings, I think about 10 of them, so the idea is to take the ones they are rotating and hang them in the crepe shop.  I hope it works out.  I'm waiting to hear from the Crepe owner.

I also got a call from a fellow artist and was asked to participate in a one day art show in the Medford area.  She said the manager of the locations saw my paintings and liked them.  That is just the type of thing I like to hear.  :)

The Absurdities of Life

Life really is absurd at times.  Which I love.  That is I love the good absurd, not the painful absurd.  Here is my absurd day.  Spent half of the night getting up with Gramma who was hallucinating about my Grampa on the fishing boat.  Grampa passed away about ten years ago and I didn't want to remind her so we just talked about Grampa.

Morning,  did the girl primp thing, while at the same time emptying the commode and all the fun caretaking duties.  Into the nursing home to drop G off at Respite.  Got a call from Margo at the gallery.  Now, I have to say, the pear painting I just completed was done painstakingly.  Not the art/creative part (that part is always done painstakingly), but the building of the canvas.  That's been my biggest criticism from gallery owners, my attention to detail.  So carefully I had built this thing, even redoing a few things when they weren't perfect.  My main goal; make Margo (who I consider my mentor) proud.  Call from Margo, "two of your pears have fallen off".  WHAAA????!!

On my way to see the BF, but she was going to put the painting in the gallery window, can't pass that up.  Ran to store, E6000, trip to gallery, reglued pears.  Done.

Off to see BF.  Very nice respite from being a caretaker.  And like five minutes later, I'm swatting at balloons in the nursing home.

Somewhere in between all of that, I started making a necklace, charm bracelet and keychain to test my charms.  I walked around covered in charms and not happy with some of jewelry items.  I'm just not quite getting the concept/marketing plan where I want it.  I'm going to know when I hit on the right way to market each of the categories of charms, I just have to keep processing and thinking (aka head spinning).  So...I ask everyone.  Faeebook, love my facebook friends!  Great input.  Walk into the bank, ask G's favorite teller Robin what she thinks.  She says, "zipper pull" make the display a zipper pull.

Bells started going off.  Of course....I doubt that she had any idea I was thinking of my Lust Charms, especially considering I haven't really brought it up to anyone yet.  I just created them last weekend.  What better way to display charms to sell in sex type stores than on half undone pants?  (There is a story behind the lust products, mainly that I'm looking for niche markets and....sex sells).  So here I am, in between blushing and laughing making a display for sex charms, while at the same time texting my close friend Susan, who started chemo today and two of my daughters.  One who was going into a job interview and the other who wanted her first credit card.

All I'm saying....is that life is absurd.  And ...the more absurd the harder I laugh.  ;)  Raise your glass to the absurdities of life!

These are the Lust Charms.  Did I forget anything?  ;)

And then to finish out the day, I'm making Immy's 1930's outfit for Third Friday.  Doesn't she look beautiful in a dress?  I don't know why, but whenever I dress her up I get almost hysterical laughing.  She's just so funny in her misery!

Pagelet and Music

I am really  missing my girls today and since part of "living my creative life" has been moving away from them, I'm going to include them in my blog today.  This is Page, my youngest daughter.  Click here to watch one of her youtube videos.   She has such a sensitive, sweet voice.  She writes some of the songs herself and has not taken any lessons.  I think she's amazing.

Page is in her senior year of high school, which she is taking at a community college in the Seattle area.  She will graduate with her high school diploma and her associates degree in June, then she's on to UW.  In order for me to be able to care for my grandmother, Page had to give up having me around for her last year of high school.  When my parents asked me to move to Oregon and care for my Gramma, of course, I told my parents "no, not until Pagey graduates".   Page said when i was talking to them, it was the first time she had seen me smile in a long time, it was during the offer to turn G's garage into a studio for myself.  Pagey told me she didn't want Great Gramma to go into a nursing home and she wanted me to be an artist.  I could not love anyone more than I love my three daughters and today, I want to acknowlege Pagey's selfless support of my dreams.

I love you Pagelet!

Blue Pears

Finished the Pear painting today for April's theme at Art du Jour Gallery.

I may have to paint more pears, they are fun to paint, especially trying different colors.  Kind of cathartic.

How I Sketch

I was talking with a friend earlier.  One of my best friends from kid days and one of the most talented artists I went to high school with.  She does these amazingly detailed pen and ink drawings of animals.  She's going through a tough time right now, battling cancer.  She's been drawing again, but commented that it goes away if you don't use it.  I think it's about retraining your brain.  My college instructors always had us carry a sketch pad and draw, jot notes, glue clippings, just stay active throughout the day with your mind, your creativity and your drawing abilities.

Sue, this is for you.  Here's my last few weeks of sketches and paintings.  I warn you, my sketches are very loose, that's how I think best.  If you're working on retraining your brain to see perspective and scale, you can just sketch whatever you are looking at.  Chemo (I can't bear to think of you dealing with that), you can sketch to take your mind off of it.  Sketch the machines, or the medicine, write down your thoughts, anger, fear, surprise, monotony, boredom, whatever is going on in your mind.

In the montage of my recent sketches, the first photo is of the sketchbooks I tend to use.  I like them small enough to carry easily but not so small I can't fit anything on a page.  This one is about 5" x 5" by Pentalic and cheap at college bookstores.  I usually just carry an architects pencil, not sure of the specific name, drafting pencil maybe?  Pentel 0.7 are my favorites.  Charcoal just breaks too easily so these seem to travel well in my purse.

The montage above shows my notes and sketches for two of my recent works.  The first I did a few weeks ago and am still working on the larger, middle piece.  I started with words.  I wanted to do 3 pieces that went together and talked about my personal growth and struggles.  The first one is the past, people in your life who fill your world with criticism, the 2nd is about pushing through those things you start to believe and trying to find yourself and the last one is growth, balance, brightness, finally seeing yourself for who you are.

As I was working on these three paintings, I stumbled a bit in my personal life.  I swear, life is such a step-forward-and-two-steps-back type of thing.  So I started a new piece about crying, bleeding, finding the sun.  It started with the 2nd row of words and sketches on the montage.  I wanted to show the way my brain was spinning as I was trying to understand what I was feeling.  First I thought of very abstract, bright red splashes with a center of deep red, then I looked at using a tornado with my thoughts spinning to the vortex.

As I was working through my feelings and pain, I realized I was feeling better each day, so I focused the painting on how time heals all wounds.  That's when I jumped into building the canvas (which is a huge part of my process, I love texture).  I wanted the focus to be on a clock spinning, crazy and then the emotions forming a full circle.  I often clip images from magazines that inspire or interest me and those are pasted in my sketchbook throughout.  Since I had something specific in mind, I googled clocks, wanting to get an idea of how to make it look spinning or crazy.  I liked this dali-esque one because it was simple visually.  I also googled Alice in Wonderland and puddles and blood, tears, ray of sunshine, etc.  So this page has the clippings I glued into my sketchbook for this painting.  Then I have the last sketch I did and the final painting, which I called Time Heals.

Susan, I hope this gives you ideas on how to use what you're going through to get your creativity flowing again.  You are so talented, the world needs to see your amazing style.

Pears, Pears and More Pears

Working on the pears to go on the pear painting.  Kind of making me hungry!

This is the sketch for the piece.  Sitting at a SOSA meeting, doodling in my sketchbook.  How to do something with pears that is consistent with my style.  Hmm...

Pear Trees

I'm thinking about doing a painting of pears, with pear trees layered underneath.  So, I stopped today and took some pics of pear trees.  I love  the way the trees change during the seasons.  You really notice driving from Jacksonville to Medford.

It was the perfect sky to photograph.  I practically had to lay on the ground to get the tree and the sky in the photo, especially without crossing the barbed wire fence.

My Workspace?

I'm filling out an application for a festival and one of the things they request is a  photo of "you in your studio/workspace".  Now, I do finally have a woodshop/studio, but typically I paint wherever G is, for instance, this is me tonight...paintings lined up against the back of the couch, plastic garbage bag "drop cloth", etc.  Perhaps I should sit down here and pose.  ;)

Finished Time Heals, now to figure out how to photograph it without sheen.

Less Contained, More Abstract

I'm working on my new painting that I started last night.  I do love bright colors!  I wanted the painting to be centered around a clock.  I decided to paint a Dali-esque style clock because I want the feeling to be "spinning", which is how my head feels when I am processing and healing.  The painting is supposed to be about time healing wounds with a sunshine at the top (no, I will never get tired of painting sunshines!), sun rays to tear drops to blood drops, to a pool of blood and coming out of the sadness and pain, growth, reaching towards the sun.

I like it.  Which I've decided is the point of my paintings.  I stay true to myself for a while and then I am criticized and I re-evaluate, thinking I need to make my paintings more complex in strokes and style...but then I lose myself.  So, I am determined to continue painting what I like, what I feel, what makes me laugh and cry.  Hopefully people will get it.  My passion is less contained and more abstract.

Time Heals All Wounds

A friend asked me how my art was going.  I went into detail about "this festival, that retailer, this art walk, that contest" and he said, "how about your ART, you know...your paintings?"

Huh....good point.  What about my art?

I decided in the midst of the craziness of being my Gramma's caretaker, I need to remember my passion, where my happiness comes from.  Soo....I went out to the shop and built a canvas, pulled out the textiles and sketchbook, sketched up an idea that's been turning around in my head...and found myself smiling.  I almost love the process of art more than the finished product.  I was that way in my design classes as well, I would take photos and sketches through the process and include those in my final presentations.  I just love how people think and why they make the choices they do.  I always hope people can see beneath the paint...to see the whole piece of art.

This piece is going to be about how time heals all wounds.

Art in Motion

Oh Yay!  One of my paintings was selected for Grants Pass's Art in Motion, which means it will be on the side of a bus from July 30 to Nov 30.  This painting is called "Sun and Tree" and was my original logo.

Flyer One, Two or Three?

I'm working on the flyers for Jacksonville Celebrates the Arts.  I would love input.  First of all, which of the three flyers do you like the most?  And second, any changes?  Thanks!!

2012 Jacksonville Celebrates the Arts

I'm working on the promotional material for Jacksonville Celebrates the Arts.  I think I'm going to use this painting and photo of the courthouse but add some summer colored leaves.  I started the facebook page and uploaded the photos from last years festival.  I'm excited to be involved.  The proceeds go towards a new community center for Jacksonville, which is such a worthy cause.  Here's the link to the facebook page: Jacksonville Celebrates the Arts

Preparing for Third Friday in Downtown Medford

Tonight's big project was preparing Immy for this Third Friday in Downtown Medford.  Immy is going to be passing out Irish Creme candy in celebration of St. Paddy's Day.  Preparations entailed Mom sewing pockets into Immy's leprechaun outfit to hold the candy, me putting Where's Immy tags onto the candy and most importantly, G tasting the candy to check on taste and quality.  ;)  Check out my old Husqvarna sewing machine.  Doesn't get much better than that.  Ooh, I just realized, it's the same color as Vespa Baby.  Aww..   :)

Coffee Rio Irish Creme candies tied with green ribbon.  Next step, tying on the Immy tags.

Checking the pockets to make sure the candy will stay put.  Seems to work.  Of course, Immy soon noticed the smell of chocolate.  I wonder if she will beg for the candies she is handing out.  I'll have to watch that since they are chocolate!

Promotional material for Third Friday.  Yep, that's Immy in her leprechaun outfit.  Too cute!

Dust and the Workshop

Vespa Baby needs a bath!  Poor thing lives in the workshop and keeps getting covered in sawdust.  Must get a dust cover and get it licensed for Oregon.  Gonna love these dry roads!

Spent most of the day in the workshop.  Loud music, sawdust flying, covered in paint, all of my favorite things in the world!  This is the newest display I am working on.  It will be a display for charms.

And continues..continues...continues..

I'm trying to do something different with my paintings while still keeping the same style that appeals to me visually.  I want to use a phrase I recently said to a friend, "I'm tired of trying to live my life crawling through this picture someone has painted of me based on what he is going through," to be the basis for the group of paintings.  I want the art to show the struggle of being downed by criticism and what others say, to change into starting to believe in myself and finally  just simply being who I am.  The first painting is this one, if you look close you can see that it's "raining criticism", pretty literal interpretation and not at all subtle with the withering flower.  But, it does appeal to me.  (What can I say, I am a simple person.)

This is actually the 3rd painting, but it is larger than the other two and I want it to dominate the grouping.  It's self explanatory and I may not put any text on it.  Not sure yet.  I just want it to be bright and simple and happy, which is something I've tried to put into many of my paintings.  Obviously not finished.

And this is the 2nd.  I'm hoping people will read the group as they do a monogram, left, right, center.  This one is the coneflower starting to bloom "learning to breathe".  Trying to see myself outside of this image that men or people paint of me based on their lives.  I like who I am better if people look at me clearly, rather than muddied by what they want to see or what they have lived.  I think the trick is seeing myself clearly and not worrying about others.  Easier when not in bad relationships.  Ahh...the actual joyful part of being single!  I need to look at this painting again tomorrow in natural light.  The lighting in this house is horrid.  It looks muted, which is what I want, kind of a muted, but bring spring look, but then I take it into different light to photograph it and aaahhhh too yellow!

...and Continues.

Making time to paint lately, it helps me stay sane...at least at the level of sanily/insanity I'm at already.   G and I drove up Hwy 62 this afternoon and stopped at about 5-6 pet stores/groomers.  Really good response to my pet jewelry and tags.  One new client and the rest are all interested, just need to follow up with the management.  Course, the first step is getting them in the stores, the 2nd is getting clients to purchase them.

And the Process Continues...

Add caption

It's one am, I should probably go to sleep.  Trying to go through the notes on my thoughts throughout the day and piece together an idea for these paintings.  I want to incorporate images that appeal to me and try to explain why.  I can't figure out how to do it without incorporating words, but then I realized a while ago, that my poetry is much more personal than my paintings.  I think there are reasons I paint what I do and why it appeals to me, but I don't think it shows in my work.  Is it too simple to include words?  Am I overdoing it starting with the order that I crave, including thoughts in text and adding the visual feeling.  I don't know.  It's something new.  I'll give it a shot and see how it turns out.

Dropped off displays and pet tags/jewelry at Rogue River and Grants Pass retail stores today.  I also took time to photograph the Jacksonville Courthouse in the morning light and then again in late afternoon.  I'm trying to get shots for the promotional material for Jville Celebrates the Arts.

Zzzzz....

Staying Sane During the Creative Process

So today the goal is to record my thoughts throughout the day and see where it takes me.  I want my paintings to become more personal.  But that is seriously scary!  I was chatting with a friend about how difficult it is to date men who are healthy enough to see me.  Here's my comment:

"I'm tired of living my life trying to crawl through this picture someone has painted of me based on what he is going through."

I want to somehow take that statement as well as other thoughts and incorporate it into my work.  That has been my lifelong struggle, how to be in a relationship without becoming crazed and lost.  And by writing down my thoughts....my day is getting away from me.  The ugly truth:

I actually dread going to this place creatively where my emotions are unprotected.  My work is so much better, but allowing the time and energy to go there is difficult.  I know that I can crank up music, start talking or thinking and be there, emotionally wrapped in my thoughts, analyzing and trying to solve, clarity at times.  It’s hard to go about normal life after moments like that.  I either want too much from people, ie to be there, keep talking, listening, sharing.  Or I just want to be alone and introverted.  It’s weird because my emotional side makes people nervous, you can see them drawing away from it at times, but they are also drawn to it.  People tell me I inspire them and I can almost feel them sapping my energy at times, wanting to talk and me to listen, wanting to be inspired and supported.  No easy answer.  I spent most of my life hiding from it, working in a stressful, serious job so I could be this controlled human.  But, going there emotionally, letting down the guard, makes me stronger and healthier, and also a lot more vulnerable.  Living my creative life is not easy or simple.  It takes more bravery than I had imagined.  Daily criticism followed by amazing highs.  Trying to stay focused on the business side, but needing to get away and allow myself the freedom and strength to create.  Trying to get the comments out of my head and just listen to myself.  That, I think, will be the most difficult part, continuing to listen to myself and believe that what I have to say is valid and relatable.

And...you can see how just making the decision to record my thoughts throughout the day...has sent my brain spinning.  This...is what is easier to avoid than to grab on to.  And life beckons..

Day after Day...

Today I went to Ashland to check in with some of my retailers.  Stopped at Thomas Lee Gallery and snapped a pic of my necklaces.  Love that gallery, fabulous art.  Then went to Love Revolution and traded out the Valentine's necklaces for custom ones that have hearts on the front and their logo on the back.  They will make great gifts, I hope their clients respond well.  That is a really cool store too.  Yes, a sex type of store, but it so focused on sensuality and romance...with all the fun stuff in the back room.  ;)  Also stopped at Crown Jewel to drop off some more pet jewelry, they had done a really good job of placing my display.  I appreciate it when retailers do that, it makes such a difference in sales.  And last, stopped at Ashland Pets to change out their display for one with a personalized pet tag.  All in all a good, productive morning, followed by hummus and chips from the co-op.  Yum.

And then I spent the afternoon at Art du Jour.  Immy is starting to think it's her second home.  We walk in and she runs around and wags hello to everyone, helps herself to Prince's food and water and then lays down and sleeps.  Nice.  Talked with Margo about the Third Friday map, upcoming Jacksonville Celebrates the Arts and got some helpful critique on my paintings.  I told her I NEEDED a critique group.  I guess it's something she's thought of putting together before, so I am really hoping it gets off the ground.  I hate rejection but really do respond to helpful, constructive criticism.  With this creative block...i really need it!!

And spent the night working on ideas for the new paintings.  I keep looking at the circles and lines I started with.  Visually I am so drawn to charts and graphs.  That is where my retail design started, the one from the Int'l competition.  I feel like I want to do something along those lines, but in a more personal way.  I'm thinking about writing down my thoughts throughout the day and looking for patterns.  Part of my draw to the order of graphs is that my mind goes in so many directions, scattered, creative, crazy (?).  I like order contrasted with reality.  Not sure where this will go, but at least I'm moving forward in my art.  I want to do something that continues with the style I am drawn to, but becomes more personal, has meaning in my life.  I also keep thinking about Alzheimers, doing something that relates to G's blog and working through the disease artistically.  It might help.

Found out a close friend has breast cancer.  I know that has nothing to do with my art, but it does.  Stuff like that makes you fear the fragility of life.  I know she will come through it, she's a strong woman.  I will be pray daily and appreciate every moment of life where I have the joy of painting and creating.

Creative Block. Fabulous..

Still bored....and still not sure what I'm doing with this painting.  I haven't had a creative block in a long time.  Ugh.  I bought a book a few months ago called "Thinking Creatively, New Ways to Unlock Your Visual Imagination".  Am going to dive into it tonight, hopefully it will help.  I don't even know why I feel bored because I do have so much to do.  I need to update the Third Friday Medford map for March, adding another street block in perspective and hopefully find a local restaurant that will do some type of green sample food in Vogel for the art walk.  I also met with my friend Jeannena yesterday.  She's my source for all things Jacksonville.  She asked me if I would do the promotional material for Jacksonville Celebrates the Arts.  I'm excited about the project although I've never done anything like that before.  Of course my first question was...."can I use my art in the flyers"?  One track mind...getting my name out there so my business will grow.  Sometimes I feel pushy or driven but others I give myself a break and acknowledge that I'm in survival mode.  I can either figure out how to build my creative self into a business that will support my future, or I can go back to work in an office.  I think I would wither away and die if I sat in an escrow office again.

Who Has Time?

Tonight I realized I was bored.  This is not a feeling I've had very often in my life.  I think it's because my art is a little unbalanced right now.  I've been working on the business side of my art and haven't taken the time to create.  So I jumped in....not sure yet where this is going but at least it's headed somewhere!

Tiara by Cindy Kahoun

I'm planning to go to the Grants Pass Art Walk for the first time on March 2nd from 6-9.  Artist friend Cindy Kahoun, who is the director at Gallery One is a featured artist.  I love her work.  Hope some of you from Medford and Jville will have a chance to head down.

Cindy's exhibit is called "Tiara".  She sent a tiara home from Gramma.  G was thrilled!

This Friday's Art Walk in Medford

This is the flyer for this Third Friday's Art Walk in downtown Medford.  We're trying to build interest by highlighting special events each month.

This is February's map.  I'm making a list of changes that I want to make by next month, but for a first run I'm happy with it.  If you are a downtown merchant and have something to add, please contact me.  The goal for this gallery map is to include any retailers who stay open for the Art Walk and specifically highlight anything that reflects the art in our area.

Finished Display

The finished product.  I like it!  I think chopping off the heads puts the focus on the necklaces.  Now I just need to spend some time in the woodshop building them!

Off With Their Heads!

In the end, I HATED the styrofoam wig heads as displays.  So now I'm trying to cut out a silhouette and see how that works. 

I have two painted.  One is black, one is silver.  I think I like the black one better, although it doesn't show up well in this photo.  I'm still debating on the head, it overtakes the display.  I may chop it off and just leave a partial neck.

So I chopped off their necks in photoshop.  Hmm.....still not sure what I think, but my initial thought is that I like it better.  "Off with their heads!"

Third Friday Art Walk Map

Today was an interesting day.  I've been working on a map for the downtown Medford galleries for the Third Friday Art Walk.  I was at Art du Jour today for my co-op one-day-per-month workday and was able to get outside for a bit, so I took the opportunity to visit the local businesses shown on my map.  The goal was to find out which businesses stay open for the Art Walk, which is 5-8 pm on the third friday of each month.  I met some great people, but also walked into a few hornet's nests.  The good thing is....I hate politics, even small town politics, so was able to plead "new girl in town" innocence....which in fact I am.  I have managed thus far to avoid getting involved.  Anyway, I hope the map helps get people to the downtown area.  I think i will pass them out around the area, try to build some interest.